


Get off my damn lawn!

by chailover



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Community: avengerkink, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-07
Updated: 2013-12-07
Packaged: 2018-01-03 21:48:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1073433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chailover/pseuds/chailover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From/For Avengerkink: Steve and Tony may have their problems, they may even be downright dysfuctional around each other sometimes, but they're a really good team when it counts. Sure, they fight and argue with each other but that's just them, its how their dynamic works. So you can believe that it is incredibly dangerous ground to hurt one while the other is present. Straight up one of those "Oh HELL no! No one touches him while I'm around!" moments. In those times, the full wrath of a pissed off Avenger will straight descend upon you and there's nothing you can do to stop it.</p><p>Originally prompted <a href="http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/10266.html?thread=21624602#t21624602">here</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Get off my damn lawn!

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know, something inspired me and then one night later, I'm posting. Just WTF?
> 
> This was a fun and different way to write Steve and Tony for me - basically I took them the way they are in my head-canon and decreased the maturity level by about ten years. Probably didn't stay on prompt very well, but the OP seemed to like it...

**  
  
The Avengers are brought together again, after New York, after the handshakes, after scattering to the winds. Natasha learns her new team like she had once learned SHIELD, had once learned Clint (one more than the other). Banner (Bruce) was both right and wrong - they were a team, despite it all, but that didn’t mean that they weren’t a chemical mixture that causes chaos, that was a ticking time bomb.

 

It turned out that the fight on the Helicarrier was a preview of things to come. As far as Natasha was concerned though, the vitriol and the venom came fully from the staff, so what was left really was better than TV.

They actually got kicked off the Helicarrier - not that Nick Fury had never threatened to eject anyone before, but Steve and Tony’s full blown, in-your-face screaming match during post-mission debriefing was deemed ‘unseemingly and unprofessional’ and Natasha nearly cracked up when Tony made a rude gesture and flew off while Steve yelled, “I’m not done with you yet, Stark!!” and Nick Fury yelled, “GET OFF MY HELICARRIER!”

So the Avengers went, and it might have all gone south if they had left it at that, letting the heated words turn sour and cause resentment. But Steve went and found Tony, and continued where they left off, yelling some more. Natasha heard variations of “Put on the suit,” and “I’m not afraid to hit an old man,” enough times that it really didn’t register very high on the things to be concerned about.

And then Tony really went and put on the suit.

**

“This is better than TV,” Clint said from his perch on one of the weight benches, pushed to the wall to make the already huge practice ring even bigger. Natasha sat down in his personal space and watched.

Steve and Tony - no, Tony was in the armor and Steve had the shield, so it was Captain America and Iron Man - went at each other with the ferocity of...of...She frowned and tilted her head. “They aren’t really fighting.”

“Oh, yeah, they are,” Clint nodded as Iron Man landed a good, solid punch on Captain America’s chin. Steve shook it off and bashed Tony right back in the chest with the shield. It sounded like cymbals crashing together. “Good one!” he hollered and Natasha had to admire the dexterity of the armor as Tony flipped Clint the bird. Steve just gave him a dirty look.

Natasha snorted. “Okay, no. This is playfighting, at most.”

And it was, for all the loud crunches and bangs that the two managed, a cacophony of discordant clangs from metal fist meeting metal shield. Steve had the advantage of agility and experience with hand-to-hand. Tony had the obvious edge in strength and was heavily protected by his armor. Natasha didn’t believe for one second that if Tony wanted to, he couldn't've caved Steve’s face in with one good shot, or even more easily, punch holes in Captain America with repulsors. Just as she wouldn’t believe that Steve couldn’t’ve already worked out five ways to get Tony into a corner and destroy his joints with his indestructible vibranium shield.

There was no way that Clint hadn’t noticed either. “Playfighting, like kittens.” She decided. Tony managed to get into the air for a few seconds before Steve jumped on him and threw them both into a wall. Small bits of plaster rained down on their heads.

“Kittens.” Clint gave her the eyebrow quirk that said, ‘I don’t understand you at all, sometimes’.

Natasha shrugged. “If it gets bad, just let Bruce know, he’ll yell some sense into them.”

**

She was used to cyanide pills and knives in the back. She was used to swift and brutal takedowns, where violence was commonplace and expected. In comparison, Steve and Tony trash-talking each other was almost companionable, their semi-regular sessions of kicking each other’s asses around the gym almost friendly.

Bruce was a little concerned, so Natasha brought him to one of the beat-downs (because it was pretty fun to watch, sometimes, and it was a good idea from a tactical standpoint, to observe her teammates’ fighting styles). He was tense through the first bit, until Tony yelled, “C’mon, you hit like an old man!” and tossed Steve into a wall.

“Should we -” he started, but then Steve _bounced_ off the wall to plant both feet into the armor’s gut and it was Tony’s turn to fly and crash into the opposite wall.

“HA!”

“Did you just ‘ha!’ at me?!”

“Who’s an old man now?! You can’t even get up!”

“Oh, that’s it!” The boot repulsors whirred on and Tony blasted forward, taking Steve down in a flying tackle.

Bruce’s eyebrow kept creeping up higher, then twitching down as if he couldn’t decide between bemusement or amusement. The pseudo-spar had devolved into something less, and Natasha had to admit that watching Captain America and Iron Man roll around grappling on the mats was pretty funny looking. The grade-school level insults didn’t help.

“...I see what you mean now.” Bruce finally sighed as Steve and Tony eventually worked themselves to exhaustion, and were now lying on the mats next to each other, spread out like starfish.

Tony popped his face plate. “You’re still a dick,” he told Steve without bite, reaching out with one gauntlet to shove at Steve’s face.

Steve moved just enough to avoid getting his eye poked out and batted the hand away. “And you’re still an ass.”

Natasha stood up and stretched. “Pizza, anyone?” she called, not surprised at all when two heads came up and looked hopefully at her.

**

After that, Bruce became less worried when he heard thuds in the gym, or if Tony and Steve showed up to dinner a little disheveled and bruised. Despite the raised voices and getting into each other’s faces, Natasha never saw them near to getting really physical without the armor and the shield involved, which reassured her further that whether it was conscious or not, the two knew where the line was and was carefully keeping within it.

**

“I don’t even know,” Clint threw his hands up as Steve and Tony stormed out of the kitchen, all signs indicating that they would be kicking each other’s asses in the gym within the hour. It had been a discussion that evolved into a shouting match over donuts versus bagels. “What the hell?”

Natasha shrugged, taking a bite of her pancake. “Steve needs tough love, and too many people only see Captain America when they look at him. Tony’s the only one that consistently calls bullshit when Steve’s being an ass.” She chewed and swallowed. “Not a replacement for Bucky Barnes, but maybe the closest thing he could get to it, here.”

Bruce sipped his tea and added, before Clint could ask for further elaboration: “Tony’s hindbrain realizes that all his cries for attention are being answered when they snipe at each other. He does it with Pepper and Rhodey all the time. It’s even registering as mostly positive attention, if you think about it, and it’s from his childhood hero.”

“They are so weird.”

Natasha nudged Clint with her shoulder, and pushed the piece of sausage to the edge. Clint deftly snitched it. “ _You_ are so weird,” she muttered fondly.

Bruce laughed wryly. “I think you mean, _we_ are so weird.”

**

Supervillain of the week used some freaky progeny of magic and technology to bring Iron Man down. The armor fell - not nearly as high as the portal, not in the air long enough for anyone to react and try to catch him - but high enough that Natasha felt her chest clinch with surprised, unfamiliar fear at the crash. Clint was swearing and the Hulk was already leaping, roaring with rage at the wizard/technopath.

The villain threw thirty or so robots in the Hulk’s path to slow him down, but neglected to figure the _other_ enraged serum-enhanced superhero into his plan. Steve caught him with a fist in the face and in almost the same move, used the shield to bash him into the ground. Natasha would wince in sympathy at how the force made the concrete crack out in a spiderweb, but she was too busy shouting for backup and scrambling to where the Iron Man armor laid in a small crater. Working with Clint, she ran her fingers down the seams, trying to find the hidden releases on the armor, either for the faceplate or the helmet.

There was a small burst of static and then the armor whirred. The voice synthesizer kicked in a second later. “Shouldn’t you buy me dinner first, Widow?” Tony said, even with the modulator, his voice sounded a little slurred.

“Tony!” Steve yelled. The Hulk roared and bashed the last two robots together. There was a clang that sounded like the shield meeting someone’s skull, just in case. They had been battling for about half an hour. Steve took the enemy down in less than thirty seconds; amazing, the power of incentive.

“Status!” Natasha snapped.

She was directing it at Tony, but Steve was the one who answered first. “Threat neutralized,” he said darkly. “...and he might need Medical as well, even though he doesn’t deserve it.”

“Hulk smash,” Hulk growled in agreement. Natasha wasn’t sure if he meant that he wanted to smash the villain or if Steve’s beatdown was worthy of being called a ‘hulk smash’. It didn’t really matter.

“Tony?”

The faceplate hissed and popped up. Tony blinked at her, and damn, that looked like a concussion. Vaguely, Natasha realized that Steve was kneeling next to her, opposite from Clint. “Oh, hey there, Spangles,” Tony said, still sounding a bit blurry.

“Tony,” Steve said, and Natasha jerked her eyes to him sharply at the broken tone. It only took her a second to remember - Steve’s best friend, plummeting to his death while Steve watched, unable to reach him in time. There were too many uncomfortable parallels here, “Don’t do that to me again.”

“...your heart can’t take it, huh, old man?” Tony said with a valiant attempt at a smirk.

The corner of Steve’s mouth ticked up in a parody of a smile. “Somethin’ like that.”

**

Of course, Steve and Tony being Steve and Tony, there was an epic fight about Tony signing out of Medical AMA. Steve won, probably because Tony had trouble both with sitting up and staying awake. The doctors’ diagnosis included a bad concussion, a few cracked ribs, and badly bruised everything. Somewhere during the shouting match, Steve benched him and the doctor had to kick the Captain out so that Tony wouldn’t get out of bed and try to kick his ass.

Natasha sighed and raised an eyebrow at Clint. Clint rolled his eyes and shrugged, getting up to go after Steve.

“That’s creepy,” Tony said, hazily, exhausted from the fight and from the shouting match. He was also huddling in a little on himself, and Natasha would bet he had strained something throwing that pink plastic cup at Steve’s head.

“What?” Natasha asked absently, adjusting the blanket so that it was tucked in more warmly around him, smoothing the IV lines so that there was less chance of them tangling or catching.

“You ‘n Clint.”

“How so?” The IV had a sedative in it, more evidence that SHIELD medical had Tony Stark’s number.

“Like...mindreaders.” Tony was starting to drift off, even though he was obviously fighting it.

“You and Steve too,” Natasha replied, amused. Tony snored at her.

**

Steve came in and sat with Tony while he slept. They all did, taking turns, and on the occasions when he was actually awake, a few of them sat on him, because a Tony Stark in medical was a Tony Stark desperate to get out.

“Why are you being such a brat?” She heard Steve ask with exasperation. She knew if she looked in, she’d see Steve with his cowl pushed back, lying across Tony’s legs to make sure he didn’t make a break for it, maybe doodling in his sketchbook.

“...I don’t -” Tony fell silent for a moment, then there was a light tap, a sound that took Natasha a second to place because she had heard it before, but not often - a fingernail against the plating of the arc reactor. “...I just don’t like this place.” _I don’t trust SHIELD_ , Natasha heard him not say.

The arc reactor wasn’t the Tesseract, but it was the closest Earth equivalent. Considering the fact that SHIELD used the Tesseract to build weapons and Tony’s own feelings on his Merchant of Death days, adding to that Tony’s mountain of trust issues...Natasha could see why SHIELD medical would drive him insane.

She didn’t know if Steve understood any of it - Iron Man’s story, Tony’s story, still had so many mysteries and gaps, and she wasn’t even sure if Steve managed to get the unhacked version. But Steve must have heard some of what was unsaid, because he said, “we’re with you, no one will let anything bad happen.”

**

Thor, when he returned, didn’t even raise an eyebrow. Natasha supposed that he was used to that particular form of communication and connection for juvenile males. Tony was mostly healed up already, so they watched Steve calling Tony a young grasshopper (“Grasshopper? I do not get that reference.” “Martial arts movie marathon!” “Tony, pay attention when I’m kicking your ass!”) and Tony calling Steve an old fuddy-duddy (“Fuddy-duddy?” “I’ll explain later, Thor.”) as they tried their level best to beat each other up without pulling out any of the big guns.

This time, when Tony tried the repulsor-assisted flying tackle again, Steve had time to bring the shield up but not enough time to brace, so the result was a comical collision of the shield and Iron Man’s faceplate, Steve landing hard on his ass and Tony knocked back, head over heels.

Natasha clamped a hand over her mouth in a desperate effort not to laugh. Then was aghast at herself - of all the things she could face without a change in expression, this was the one thing that defeated her?

“Ow?” Steve said, almost uncertainly. Tony sat up with a clank and rubbed at his head, popping his faceplate open and touching his nose gingerly.

“Ow, I think.”

“Shield brothers, are you injured?” Thor boomed as he walked over between them. Steve and Tony exchanged a look.

“...ppffft,” Steve snorted, and Tony snickered. Then it was contagious, before she knew the why or hows, Steve and Tony were both laughing, Thor joining in with hearty guffaws. “You _ran_ into my shield. _With your face_.”

“Well, your super serum-enhanced reflexes landed you on your ass!”

Thor held his hands out, and there were solid smacks as Tony and Steve took one each and allowed the demi-god to haul them both up (effortlessly) to their feet. Natasha’s face felt funny, and she didn’t realize why until they looked at her and stopped laughing, but still with wide smiles on their faces.

“You’re grinning,” Tony said, delighted. Natasha immediately schooled her face into a scowl.

“I’m not.” But she was, she knew she was.

“Aw, you made her stop,” Steve grinned at her, boyish. “Quick, run into my shield again, let’s see if we can make her laugh this time.”

“Only if you fall on your ass like an idiot again!”

Thor’s eyes were sparkling as he raised an eyebrow and touched his hand to the corner of his mouth. Natasha knew she was smiling helplessly at those bumbling, stupid, hilarious idiots.

**

The next villain was dressed up like the ringmaster of a circus, complete with a ridiculous top hat, red coat and magic whip. Natasha watched Clint’s expression cycle through shock, anger, disbelief and then settle on a careful blankness.

“I am utterly appalled.” Tony announced, but when he gave Clint the lift to the designated vantage point, she saw the armored gauntlet give the archer’s shoulder a quick, reassuring squeeze.

“Are we going to fight circus animals?” Steve wondered as Thor took off, hammer spinning. The quinjet touched down in a relatively clear area of Central Park.

No, apparently they weren’t going to fight circus animals. They were going to fight dinosaurs and sabertooth tigers and _how is this their life_?

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but T-rex on your left, Thor!” Clint shouted over the comms as Natasha and Steve jogged out, running into the press of screaming civilians that had been jogging/relaxing/walking in the park before it was invaded by impossible creatures. They got through with Steve’s judicious application of his shield, and then Tony, the Hulk, and Thor were flitting around the T-rex while Natasha and Clint sniped at the sabertooth tigers. Steve weaved in and out of each fight, throwing or smashing with his shield as necessary, calling out warnings and formations.

The tigers were huge and fast, and there were about half dozen of them, but Clint was up high enough to be her eye in the sky, discouraging any of the ones that got behind her from taking a pounce. She tucked and rolled just in time to avoid two of them jumping at her, and they smacked together in the air. She came up shooting, nailing one in the eye and the other in the throat.

Behind her, she could feel the muffled boom and a roar of pain as Clint landed another picture-perfect shot into another sabertooth’s eye with an explosive-tipped arrow. She sucked in a quick breath as she reloaded, taking in the ground battle at a glance. The Hulk and Thor were smashing at the T-rex, one impossible creature against two impossible superheroes. Iron Man was buzzing the ringmaster, flitting around the villain and avoiding the wild swings from the magical whip. Tony being sensible, who would’ve known?

On her side, there were only two of the big cats left, one with a mangled and bleeding eye. Steve was running toward her to assist, leaping over one of the supine bodies -

“Nat, watch out!!”

Steve hit her first, a solid wall of vibranium and muscle and _blue_ , tucked and rolled around her, her own Captain America shield. And then there was a roar and her world went end over end, a sabertooth that she thought was dead up again, spitting blood and insane rage, clawing at her and Steve with pain maddened strength.

Clint downed one of the big cats leaping at them, but the remaining one joined in the pile and for a few long seconds her entire world was filled with fur and claws and teeth the length of her forearm. She screamed when the first sabertooth bit into Steve and tossed him away like a toy, shoving up instinctively when it lunged down to do the same to her. There was a dull ringing noise when the weight on her chest turned out to be not just Steve, but Steve’s shield, and she caught the rim with her hands and viciously angled it up, sharp-edge first. It caught the cat in the mouth, just beneath its gigantic canines, and Natasha drew up her legs enough to use both feet to shove it back.

The Hulk hit the second sabertooth with the speed and force of a train, and the weight on Natasha abruptly halved, then disappeared as the last cat was lifted off her. She expected Thor but it was Iron Man that had the creature by the back of its neck, the armor’s servos whirring as he lifted it over his head and slammed it down on the floor, the big cat’s body twisting, trying to get up before he repulsored it, three quick concussive blasts in a row. Her ears were still ringing as she scrambled to her feet.

“Cap-”

Clint’s voice on the comm was tight but controlled. “Threat neutralized, and by that I mean the crazy with the magic whip. Thor’s got Cap, Hulk on kitty cleanup, Iron Man and Widow, prepare to help with med-evac.”

“Neutralized?” She hissed, even as Iron Man kicked the dead cat out of the way as they sprinted for Thor and Steve. Clint finished his call to SHIELD just as she fell to her knees beside the two blonds.

“Hulk tranquilizer.”

“You killed him,” she said, not sure if she should be feeling the vicious, vindictive surge of satisfaction.

Thor had ripped off a chunk of his cape and was applying pressure to the deep holes punched through Steve’s shoulder from the sabertooth’s bite. Natasha made him shift just enough to see that the slices on his back and waist from the cat’s claws were still bleeding, but barely.

“No,” Clint said, with regret. “Dumped out more than half of the dose. Might be touch and go for a while though.”

“Good,” it was Tony who spoke, faceplate popped up and face grim. Steve was ashen, his eyes glazed over with pain, but he was tracking and feebly trying to tell everyone he was okay. “Oh, shut it, geezer, you are _not_ okay,” Tony growled. “Now hold still and let JARVIS scan you.”

“...it’s just...a scratch,” Steve panted, “Serum’s...good for things like ...this.”

“Did I say you can talk?” Tony waved and the Hulk came over, hovering almost worriedly, as much as a ten foot tall green giant could hover, “I didn’t, so shut up. Hulk, buddy, can we have Bruce back? Cap is soft and squishy and he’s got holes. He needs a doctor.”

Thor eased back a little to check the wounds, and Natasha detached herself enough to eye the punctures clinically. There were two that were nearly an inch in diameter, each, gone through-and-through, and four ragged holes between them. There would be matching wounds on the back, and through the torn uniform and under the blood she could see bruises raising. Thor’s red cape was already stained and darkened with blood, nearly soaked through. A normal man might survive this if he were extremely lucky. Natasha factors in the serum, SHIELD, and Stark’s money and figured Steve’s pretty much has every chance at a full recovery.

It didn’t help the heavy, tight feeling in her chest.

“Shirt,” Bruce said from behind her, voice tight, and Tony handed him the spare he kept in an armor compartment. Instead of putting it on, Bruce used it as an additional compress, keeping up the pressure as he instructed Thor to rip some more of his cape into makeshift bandages. In the distance, she could hear the helicopters headed toward them. “Ok, Thor and I will go with the med-evac. Tony, follow us up, please. Clint and Nat, can you keep Fury out of our hair for a bit?”

Clint had somehow gotten down from his vantage point, the most unscathed out of all of them. Natasha could feel dirt and blood and the buzzing tremble of adrenaline fading all through her body, but they exchanged a smile.

“Take care of Steve,” Clint said. “We’ll take care of Fury.”

**

Steve was patched up, sleeping, by the time they were done. Tony was pacing outside the room, muttering to himself and nearly bursting out of his skin until Clint and Thor dragged him off to eat something. Natasha read the screen at the end of the bed, and confirmed that her field assessment was right. Full recovery expected in a week. One more win for the super soldier serum.

“Bullet holes,” Bruce murmured to her as she sat down beside him. Everything ached and it didn’t _feel_ like a win, with Steve lying there so pale and still. “Tony said something about that. Before he went and took his freak-out outside.”

Natasha thought about the incident report for Afghanistan. Young soldiers riddled with bullets, protecting the man that made the weapons that killed them in the first place. “They’re awfully good at finding each other’s triggers, aren’t they?” she said instead. “We’ll have to work on that.”

Bruce smiled wryly at her. “Well, at least we can knock sabertooth tigers and T-rexes off the bucket list.”

She bumped her shoulder against his, and they settled in to wait for Steve to wake.

**

The donuts and bagels debate ultimately ended in a draw, which was why they were having waffles instead. Natasha wasn’t sure why they were having the heart-to-heart now, but as cute as the constant sniping and beatings in the gym were, it was good to see an occasional glimmer of maturity from their team leads.

“Big man in a suit of armor,” Steve said with a wry smile. “Take that away, and you’re still Iron Man. You’re a good man, a hero.”

“Ugh, emotions. Do we have to do this? Now?” Tony complained, looking away uncomfortably. “...ah, hell. Whatever! I was wrong, okay? Whatever was special about you was always there, and if it could be bottled, we’d have world peace.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Steve laughed, “You know how bad my temper can be.”

“Well, yeah,” Tony snorted. “That’s cuz you’re a cranky old man.”

“You young whippersnappers are so ungrateful!”

“Yaddayaddayadda, are you going to say ‘when I was young...’?”

Steve punched Tony lightly in the bicep, and laughed. Natasha hid her smile behind a sip of coffee, and Clint mouthed, ‘they’re so weird!’ at her.

She grinned back and gave him her fruit. Clint made a face but ate it. “No,” she murmured. “I think you meant, _we_ ’re so weird.”

**end


End file.
